in memory of h.

I walked, under a sunny emptiness, in a large house with palm trees and even more sun, than the rest of the houses. I kept staring at the see-saw, moving to and fro. And found something soothing, in the contemplation of the life that was left there. I walked, again, on the warm, and smooth sand, and imagined how the others walked on it, once. There used to be life, here, that is definite; I can smell shampoo and curls in the air. Little girls of five or six. And a boy of thirteen, watching over them, as they slide on the large toy that is meant to be there, for sliding and breaking one's bones. The irony in it is that he cannot, and would not be able to reach the children as they fall on their arms, and break them. It happens so suddenly.

Tread, Tread. Such is the way it all is, a few feet to another place.

I move on...

When the sun came down, I saw something singular in the sky: a solitary cloud. I wouldn't have been able to see it, had I no been staring at the heavens for a while. it was dark, and it was lame... but something in a solitary cloud, that could over-look us all, in the safety of the night, without being doubted made me upset and revolted me. She could see everyone under that sky! And we wouldn't have bothered to look at it, to let it know that we indeed know that it is staring at us, and finding our utmost secrets and sorrows amusing. But I have nothing to hide from the sodden cloud. Nothing whatsoever. I am clean and I do not have a single shred of a sorrow, in me... let it stare at me till it gets blinded with daylight. I couldn't care less! Ha!

But... why am I incensed? Why am I bewildered? Why am I mad?

That only means I have a secret, or a secret sorrow. And that is a weakening point, to me. I have none. I cry. I cried just now. I had a sobbing fit.

But, reader, do not rejoice. I am not to share a très magnificient secret with someone like you, indeed not. You hardly know me. I am sure you are careless and thoughtless, as most people are. But what if you are a smart person? A smart man? Oh I want to marry you and have a chubby baby with you, then! But that is far-fetched... men don't come in that form, indeed.. no.. too good to even imagine.

Laughs. Listen to my drivel!

I shall sod off.

Fondly,

A lamenting Latifa.