Villanelle

Leanne Hansonfrom Just west of the lounge room Associate, 3708 posts	on June 15 2007 Laurie... I love what you're doing here but unfortunately, to make it a villanelle you're going to have to shift some lines around, because you've got the repeating idea right but your rhymes are in the wrong place! The repeaters have to rhyme with each other. The second rhyme comes in on the b lines, non-repeating. So, the first and third line of every stanza should rhyme, and the middle line should rhyme with every other middle line (until the last stanza, where there are 4 lines so no middle... maybe I should just say the second line of every stanza). It's also very helpful to split the poem up into those stanzas so it's clear that each one ends with a repeating line. Like this: Villanellentine The magic of a greeting card and rose - Such sentimental sighings they invoke! I should not be a cynic, I suppose. Each year the pile of cardboard refuse grows, And bouquets send a million suitors broke: The magic of a greeting card and rose. Bad poetry will fall to all-time lows, And clichés will make sobbing women choke - I should not be a cynic, I suppose. A sniff will risk a prick in tender nose, But all trespasses disappear like smoke: The magic of a greeting card and rose. Abandonment of common sense just shows That romance is a sad and sorry joke - I should not be a cynic, I suppose. In every bed a man so sweetly throws His leg across his woman for a poke: The magic of a greeting card and rose - I should not be a cynic, I suppose. Tell you what, though, I like the patterns you've set up in your poem... call it a Laurielle and run with it!
Leanne Hansonfrom Just west of the lounge room Associate, 3708 posts	on June 15 2007 Just for the record, the pattern of a Laurielle would look like this: (A1) Expressing words their task succeeds (a) Within my brain a notion seeds (b) Poems and prose they must design (A2) My hands filled with linguistic needs (a) They write of love and hope it feeds (b) The bones so delicate and fine (A1) Expressing words their task succeeds (a) Creatively I plant the seeds (b) To stroke, caress and intertwine (A2) My hands filled with linguistic needs (a) An ordinary thought proceeds (b) Curled on the concepts they define (A1) Expressing words their task succeeds (a) Convey the gist each word agrees (b) to reach the page through hands of mine (A2) My hands filled with linguistic needs (A1) Expressing words their task succeeds Do you know, I think you might be onto something? It's regular, rhythmic, lyrical... could be a winner.
Stephan Ansteyfrom Lowell, MA Associate, 6232 posts	on June 15 2007 If we all write one and we all call them Laurielle's (in honor of the lovely and talented Laurie Blume) I suspect our site would be the marvel of all poetry sites everywhere, having started a new and interesting form. ----- stephan
Leanne Hansonfrom Just west of the lounge room Associate, 3708 posts	on June 15 2007 Next challenge, a Laurielle. And Laurie has to pick the winner -- then when she does, she has to sing it Marilyn Monroe style sitting on Anstey's knee and we'll broadcast it over the net.
Stephan Ansteyfrom Lowell, MA Associate, 6232 posts	inspired from Leanne on June 15 2007 Leanne: I am pretty sure Ellen wouldn't be cool with Laurie on my knee. ----- stephan
Leanne Hansonfrom Just west of the lounge room Associate, 3708 posts	on June 15 2007 But it's for poetry! Although... does Ellen have a Marilyn wig? We could revise the plan, it's obviously just in infant stages. But someone has to be blonde.
Laurie Blumfrom Cloud 9 Associate, 2074 posts	on June 15 2007 Oh I knew I probably had it wrong, It was an ambitious form for me to decipher but it did turn out really nice the way you arranged the lines Leanne. By the way...I am blonde and I can carry a tune!
Laurie Blumfrom Cloud 9 Associate, 2074 posts	on June 16 2007 So what is the correct rhyme layout for a Villanelle? Can I rearrange the lines of this? Or would I be better off starting anew and leaving this "Laurielle" as written. (That still cracks me up Leanne, I wonder how many forms got their start with a few mistakes)
Leanne Hansonfrom Just west of the lounge room Associate, 3708 posts	on June 16 2007 I think you should leave this one as is, I like it You have the rhyme scheme right in your introduction, just not in your poem... oh well... plenty of time for more villanelles, but you don't see a Laurielle every day!

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